My Extended Family

Mandy and Hayley were not technically my nieces. However, I basically grew up in their family. Jennifer, their mom and I were best of friends. We were like brother and sister. I basically was unofficially adopted into their family. 

Jennifer and I were the closest in age and we were the closest to any of the other children in the family. I had been constant in their lives, although we were at times hundreds miles a part. 

I have a need to tell about my niece Mandy although it involves Hayley as well. This story starts to unfold when Jennifer, who I have called Sissy since she was thirteen. Came back to Rochester, Indiana. 

First of all let me start by saying that neither one of us wanted to come back to this God forsaken city. Okay so it is not God forsaken. But we did not want to come back. We both chose schools in the great state of Tennessee. 

Jennifer went to Milligan College while I went to Johnson Bible College.  Neither one of us knew the other one was going to the school in Tennessee ahead of time. This was not planned. 

Jennifer and I met at Pearson's Mill Christian Camp and have been close friends since that time. There have been times that we have fought like cats and dogs. Okay like brothers and sisters. However, we have been there for each other when we needed each other the most. 

I drove to pick her up at the airport in Indianapolis when her dad had to have surgery. I am not sure what kind at the moment. I think it was heart surgery. We always shared Christmas together at some point when she was home. I helped cut many trees in the back yard. I think there were close to a hundred. I always said it should have been a sin to grow so many trees in one's back yard. 

At the time there were plans for a swimming pool. However, that never materialized by the way. Jennifer and I were married to different spouses only a few weeks a part from each other. I was over their home more than at my other parent's home. 

Her dad and I were quite close. We named our son after him. He was my number 2 fan, while Jennifer was my # 1 fan. He was one of the few positive male role models that have been in my life. 

I was invited over for Christmas, Easter and other family outings. I was always considered one of the family. Sometimes I would get to have something that no one else wanted when they would buy something new. 

As you can see this family was quite real to me. I became a pastor largely because of the influence of Mr. Stanley C. However, because of the abuse I suffered at the hands of some foster parents and never received any help I was really messed up and didn't even know it. 

However, in spite of this, the family of Jennifer always stood beside me. God had a plan that were even beyond our wildest imagination. 

Rough Waters

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Pastor Kelly at this time was not living a Christian life. He has bipolar and sometimes he does not make good decisions. His sister Jennifer had to continue to show him tough love. In response this he told her that he hated her. She simply said, "I love you but I am not going to put up with this behavior. I am going to show you tough love because this is what you need right now!" He simply said, defiantly "Whatever!"

She took him to a homeless shelter in a nearby city. he was not sure if she had tears in her eyes. He was sure that he was not the cause of them. Anyway he was on his own. He felt like trying to figure out a way to commit suicide but that did not happen.

He started getting help through Four County Counseling. He cut off all  people from his life. This included other foster families, and his sister. It was a long road but the therapy did start to help. Although the therapist was not concerned about the pornography addiction. But things were better than they were and he started to get on with his life. Eden was quite supportive of him during this time in his life.

Blessings From The Lord

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The Lord started to bless Pastor Kelly. During a Saturday meal for the homeless he was invited to attend services at the Calvary Presbyterian Church. After talking to girlfriend Eden, she told him this was a good choice. This was in the spring of 2006. In 2006 he became a member and God started using him. He was operating the sound system for Sunday evenings. He started teaching Sunday School when needed, and even assisted in the men's Bible study. This would be instrumental in the ministry God would entrust him with in the Philippines. The Lord was about to open new doors to him that would be surprising to him. God had started redirecting his path. His life and His hands were in the hands of the Lord from now on.

Interference by Child Protective Services

Pastor Kelly was his sister Jennifer's greatest ally. Someone made a call to child protective service in the spring of 2004. This call changed the life of this family forever. Mandy the niece of Pastor Kelly was going through a difficult time. At this time she had turned her back on the Lord. 

It all started when his sister was trying to be a good mom and had a few rules for everyone living under her roof. Mandy did not like some of the rules and rebelled against the family. She became a very angry young lady. When she got angry she would storm throughout the house, slamming doors and breaking things. To stop this the door of her room was removed. His sister tried to ground her and nothing was working. She resorted to spanking her child. This was reported to child protective services and the child was put in foster care. 

Prior to this time Pastor Kelly had been working with both of these girls when his sister was at work. He began using animal, art therapy with the girls. Both girls loved animals and Mandy had artistic ability. If there had been no interference with child protective services Mandy would have straightened up but this did not happen. As a matter of fact she is worst today then she was before. 

Mandy was admitted to a couple of  mental  hospitals and the only people on her list was Pastor Kelly and  her mom Jennifer. Because of the Child Protective Services Pastor Kelly was unable to work with Mandy when she went into foster care. He did however, continued to work with Hayley and this would be beneficial later on. Child Protective Services can kidnap your child for any reason and there is not a lot one can do about it. They do not like people using religion as a form of therapy. This only served to create problems for this family. But Jennifer was a good mom, or they would have found reasons to remove Hayley as well. Later it was found out that the social worker used unethical methods and was later removed. This is being reported here because it had an impact on the life of Pastor Kelly

A Repentant Heart

Pastor Kelly knew some things had to change in his life. He could not keep going the way he had been going. He wonders why things have to be so difficult. Why do they have to be so hard. The fact remains the first step of recovery is to be repentant. O Loving Kind God, have mercy, have pity on me and take away this terrible stain of my transgressions. Oh wash me, cleanse me from this guilt. Let me be pure again for I admit my shameful deed-it haunts me night and day. It is against you and you alone. I sinned and did this terrible thing. You saw it all and your sentence against me is just. But I was born a sinner, yes from the moment my mother conceived me, you deserve honesty from the heart, yes, utter sincerity and truthfulness. Oh give me this wisdom.

Sprinkle me with the cleansing blood and I shall be clean again. Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. After you have punished me, give me back my joy again. Don't keep  looking at my sins-erase them  from your sight.  Create in me a clean heart, O God, filled with clean thoughts and right desires. Don't toss me aside, banished from your presence. Don't take your holy spirit from me. Restore again the joy of your salvation  and make me willing to obey you. Then I will teach your ways to other sinners-guilty like me-will repent and return to you. Don't sentence me to death, O my God, you alone can rescue me. Then I will sing of your forgiveness, for my lips will be unsealed-Oh how I will praise you. You don't want penance, if you did how gladly I would do it! You are not interested in burnt offerings before you on an altar. It is a broken spirit you want-a broken and contrite heart, O God you will not ignore (Psalms 51:1-17

A Heart Breaking Sin

Pastor Kelly even though he had been a minister became involved in the sin of pornography. This sin affects around thirty percent of ministers. He left the ministry of his own choice. Unfortunately for him nothing mattered to him even his family. At this time in his life one thing did not seem wrong, then the next thing did not seem wrong until nothing seemed wrong. The pornography led to online relationships, and even led to physical adultery. Because of the pornography issue there were problems with money and led to other addictive behavior. His wife of seventeen years left him due to these sin issues. By the time he tried to fix his marriage it was too late. Even the marriage encouraged the divorce and he knew that it was over and he remarried. 

He suffers from bipolar, borderline personality and epilepsy. Fortunately even now he is receiving online therapy. One of the therapy he is using is Setting the Captives Free. It deals with Addictive Behavior in several areas including pornography. 

Jennifer caught him in the act and found pornographic pictures. She took the computer cord and made him go through counseling of his choice. He used Four County Counseling Center. He was in counseling for ten years dealing with this issue. But it was an issue of the heart and therefore other things had to change.

Jennifer had to show him tough love and she broke all communication from him for awhile. Until she was convinced that he had repented and was making the kind of choices that would ensure her that he was truly sorry and not that he was just sorry he was caught. 

He lost his wife, his home and his possessions. He had to live in the streets for he had no place to go. For awhile he lived in his van and it was a miracle alone that he did not freeze to death. But God always provided for him even though God was punishing him. 

Someone might ask why would God use someone like Pastor Kelly. But the same thing could be said of David, Samson, and others like them. God knows our true hearts even when we sin and fall short of His glory. The best characteristic that God can use is one that has a willing heart. If one has a willing heart then God can work out the other things in their lives. This was a lesson Pastor Kelly was about to learn.  

Special Nieces

Jennifer's children were very special to Pastor Kelly. He used to call them the apple of his eyes. He would be asked to baby sit for them at times. He was more like a friend. He was not a disciplinarian. He would do what they liked to do. He was closer to them than than Bob and Darla's family. At the time Pastor Kelly was the most positive male role model the girls had other than their grandfather. God had a special purpose of bringing this family close together. 

Of course this is going to  haunt him greatly.  More on this later on. Hayley became very close to him and she would cry when he had to leave. If he had come to visit his sister then Hayley would not want to go to bed. And when he did leave she would cry, and go upstairs to the window and wave bye to him until he was gone.

He would go bike riding with her, play computer games, skate boarding, roller skating, she was the active one. Mandy liked reading, and doing computer things. She loved Japanese art. This was something they both shared in common. 

This relationship would be beneficial later on in life. More on this at a later post. These girls have been an important part of his life, even today more on this later on.  

A Special Sister

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One of the things that he loved doing was going to church camp. He went to Pearson's Mill Church Camp. The name was later changed to Rainbow Christian Camp. He met a girl named Jennifer. This relationship was put together by God. He called her Sissy from the time he met.

She introduced him to his parents and it was like he was a part of the family. Jennifer's dad Stan was especially important to him. He was the first male role model that Pastor Kelly had. Jennifer and Pastor Kelly would do things together. They were as close as a brother and sister could get. Pastor Kelly was invited to family picnics, dinners etc. Pastor Kelly and Jennifer always decorated the Christmas tree together. They had to put on every Christmas ornament that Sissy made. They were not biological brothers and sisters but they my as well be.

During the course of their life their lives would be intertwined meaning that they would be in and out of each other's life from time to time. But normally it would be at a time when they needed each other. They could always sense when each other needed something. Even today Jennifer can get Pastor Kelly to talk even when he does not feel like it. 

To show how their lives closely tied they both went to college in the same state about two hours apart from each other. Jennifer would drive him to his school and then go on to his school. She drove this puke green Chevy. We used to call it a race car, a race between it being eaten alive by the rest or the engine falling apart. Many times we had to push the car to get it started. Her dad used to tell me well it is better than walking, well Sissy and I used to say that is debatable!

This  friendship /family ship was a special blessing in his life. It is still a special blessing in his life even today.

Another Foster Home

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At first Pastor Kelly liked this home. Bob could make him laugh. He loved the farm animals. But no matter how hard Pastor Kelly tried. He could not do a lot of things the other children could do. The only thing Pastor Kelly was good at was working with the animals. He also was good at Bible games and quizzes. He could answer questions that even the pastor where he was going to church could not answer. It even amazed the pastor that he could answer certain questions at a young age.

He felt left out and so the only thing he could do was resort to naughty behavior to get attention. This seemed to work the best. For the foster parents never really thought he was a good child anyway. At least this is the impression that remained with him even today.

Receiving attention for bad behavior was better than no attention at all. And so for all of his child years he used negative reinforcement to get attention. The attention would not last but it worked from time to time and he would use it to his advantage. 

He started having flashbacks. He didn't really know when the abuse started to enter his life. Although it was evident that in his favorite home there were physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse. But this home gave him the most stability that he had known as well. And it was not bad all the time either. The woods (not their real names) were good to him at times, of course when he was naughty he had reason to cry. He would usually cry before the punishment ever began. His older brother was the one that sexually abused him from the time he was ten to around the age of thirteen. He is not sure how many times in that period that it occurred. But this would cause him to have gender issues later in life. The parents never  knew of this abuse. He never mentioned it only to Bob and he made a joke about it. He didn't mean anything by it, that is just how he was. 

He purposely stayed with his grand parents when the parents went out to amusement parks. For this was the time he could receive undivided attention. He loved both sets of grandparents of this foster family. When Darla's father passed away apart of Pastor Kelly's life passed away with him. He never was the same after that even in his life. Darla's parents told him that he was their favorite grandson of the foster children. That always stayed with him. He always had the greatest respect for them. He also respected Bob and Darla, and for awhile he did love them. But then after the rejection set in that love died for the family but he still had the highest respect for them. Love and respect are not the same things. Being liked and respected is not the same either. 

Pastor Kelly In Trouble Again

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Pastor Kelly was always getting into trouble. Now part of this was that he learned earlier that he could gain negative attention. Now for most people this was not an option. But when abuse was going on in one's life negative attention is better than none.

Because of the abuse that was going on in his life he began picking on the girls. He would tease them and take their books like before. This was a new teacher and he really thought he could get away with it.  However, he did not know that Ms. Randall and Ms. Gardner talked. So she was quite ready for him and he did not know it.

First there was another trip to the First Aid Office. He knew what was coming and he tried to use the tears, and I am sorry routine. But this time it did not work. After the spanking he received a hug and Ms. Gardner wiped the tears from his eyes. She told him that he would have to be on the girls team for the whole week. This was very humiliating for him but he learned to respect his teacher and the girls. 

Pastor  Kelly liked school but he was not a studious student. He did not do well in math or science, but he did very well in spelling, reading, and history. It was during this time that he became very interested in becoming a Christian.

Even though there was abuse going on in his life, this was his favorite home to be in and he never forgot the mentoring of his 3rd and 4th year teachers. Like every boy goes through a time of having a crush on his teacher Pastor Kelly was no different. But like everything else it was a learning experience for me.

In the 4th grade he won an award for reading 44 books in a school year. This was an accomplishment. He passed his grades, not with flying colors. But having gone through all of these experiences would teach him to weather the storms and there would be some big storms later in life. But he was oh so grateful of the mentoring that took place during this stage in his life. God had a hold of him and he was not about to let go.

Pastor Kelly Starts School

Pastor Kelly started school in August of 1989. This was a Seventh Day Adventist Church School and his first teacher was Mrs. Crabtree.  He went to a Seventh Day Adventist Church School. He had problems staying in his seat and doing home work, or not doing it one should say. He would pull the pony tails of the girls. He would also take their belongings. He had to be corrected many times for talking in class. He was a brat!

So this picture was a good representative of his  first teacher. His  first teacher was Mrs. Crabtree and I felt she lived up to her name. She tried to flunk him out of her class. However, he was so far above the expectations that professionals gave him they were forced to keep him in class. They did not offer any special ed classes which was against the school statures at that time.

He did not do well in math, or science but he excelled in spelling, history and Bible.

Pastor Kelly's First Stable Home (Part 1)

Pastor Kelly by the time he was eight had been in eight different foster homes. And now he would spend eight years in this home. This home was the Woods. This was not the real name of this family. Due to the subject manner he wants to protect the family at all costs.

You have to understand that people are not ultimately bad people. There is good in all people. And somehow he may have felt like he deserved what happened to him. If you have not been abused you will not understand what it is like. You may try to understand, but you cannot know what he truly feels unless you have been there.

This home was not all bad either. Pastor Kelly got to go to Washington D.C. This family tried so had to adopt him. They spent thousands of dollars on trying to adopt him. However, his biological mom would not sign the adoption papers.  Actually family services really did try to have him adopted. But without the signing the adoption papers there would be no adoption.

It was in this home  that his love for animals would be truly recognized. Pastor Kelly had grown close to one of his sisters and his two brothers. He could not wait for the weekend when all three of them would play together. 

He  does not know if this would be consider abuse or not. It felt like it at the time. But when you misbehaved you had belts, boards, or other implements used on you. Sometimes on the bare bottom depending on what you did. 

They were very strict parents. He really believes that they did do the best that they knew how to do. But even at an early age Pastor Kelly became suicidal. This was not the worst part of the abuse. He was made to watch his sisters take showers on at least one occasion by an older sister.  Then his old brother would come into his room and do some inappropriate things. However, Pastor Kelly was bribed and he did not feel that this was forced upon him. He also did not feel he had much of a choice. But these experiences would haunt him the rest of his life. God was only beginning to work in his life.

Life Begins for Pastor Kelly

Pastor Kelly was born to unwed parents. This was December 16, 1959, during this time children like Pastor Kelly was considered spawn of Satan. This would follow him through his life. As you look at his life, you will see what Satan meant for evil God turned into good.

His unwed mother Mary, was not allowed to keep him because the court had decided that this family was unfit for him. His mother loved him and would not sign any adoption papers. This only added to his shame because it appeared that no one would want him. But again God had an unique purpose in his life. 

Life at first was very rocky. When he was just a baby one of the foster parents he was living with was not able to take him to the Riley Hospital for children. The Foster and Good Funeral Service was sure that he was not going to make it took him to the hospital in a funeral car. They did not feel he would even make it to the hospital. The trip to the hospital is around two hours. Of course he did not know this at this time. He was just so sick that he did not know what was going on with him.

He spent almost a year at the hospital recovering from his illness. He was anemic and he had epilepsy. He also had several learning disabilities at this time in his life. But the nurses were really good to him and he loved playing with them as he could.

In this first home he was raised by his sisters. This ultimately was a good home for him. However, they did not want foster children to become too attached and would move him around constantly. This would later create emotional issues that would be carried out through the rest of his life. 

He was then put into another home, this was the Martin home. They really wanted to adopt him, but he once again got sick again and had to go back to the hospital. The doctors would not advise them to adopt him, because their own son was very sick and it would be too much of a strain for them. 

They had given him a white pony, but he would have to leave them and his pony behind. But he never forgot about that pony. His love for animals was born the day he was born. 

When he had been living with the first family, the Towns, a vicious dog was next door to him. He would crawl inside the dog house of this vicious dog. The dog would carry him by his diaper. But this was actually a safe place because no one would dare mess with him. His parents had to keep an eye on him because he would keep going over to this dog, and they had feared for his life.  But this too was a crucial point in his life because he would become an animal defender.