Journey of Life

Journey of Life
The Life of Pastor Kelly Begins

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Another Foster Home




At first Pastor Kelly liked this home. Bob could make him laugh. He loved the farm animals. But no matter how hard Pastor Kelly tried. He could not do a lot of things the other children could do. The only thing Pastor Kelly was good at was working with the animals. He also was good at Bible games and quizzes. He could answer questions that even the pastor where he was going to church could not answer. It even amazed the pastor that he could answer certain questions at a young age.

He felt left out and so the only thing he could do was resort to naughty behavior to get attention. This seemed to work the best. For the foster parents never really thought he was a good child anyway. At least this is the impression that remained with him even today.

Receiving attention for bad behavior was better than no attention at all. And so for all of his child years he used negative reinforcement to get attention. The attention would not last but it worked from time to time and he would use it to his advantage. 

He started having flashbacks. He didn't really know when the abuse started to enter his life. Although it was evident that in his favorite home there were physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse. But this home gave him the most stability that he had known as well. And it was not bad all the time either. The woods (not their real names) were good to him at times, of course when he was naughty he had reason to cry. He would usually cry before the punishment ever began. His older brother was the one that sexually abused him from the time he was ten to around the age of thirteen. He is not sure how many times in that period that it occurred. But this would cause him to have gender issues later in life. The parents never  knew of this abuse. He never mentioned it only to Bob and he made a joke about it. He didn't mean anything by it, that is just how he was. 

He purposely stayed with his grand parents when the parents went out to amusement parks. For this was the time he could receive undivided attention. He loved both sets of grandparents of this foster family. When Darla's father passed away apart of Pastor Kelly's life passed away with him. He never was the same after that even in his life. Darla's parents told him that he was their favorite grandson of the foster children. That always stayed with him. He always had the greatest respect for them. He also respected Bob and Darla, and for awhile he did love them. But then after the rejection set in that love died for the family but he still had the highest respect for them. Love and respect are not the same things. Being liked and respected is not the same either. 


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