My Extended Family

Mandy and Hayley were not technically my nieces. However, I basically grew up in their family. Jennifer, their mom and I were best of friends. We were like brother and sister. I basically was unofficially adopted into their family. 

Jennifer and I were the closest in age and we were the closest to any of the other children in the family. I had been constant in their lives, although we were at times hundreds miles a part. 

I have a need to tell about my niece Mandy although it involves Hayley as well. This story starts to unfold when Jennifer, who I have called Sissy since she was thirteen. Came back to Rochester, Indiana. 

First of all let me start by saying that neither one of us wanted to come back to this God forsaken city. Okay so it is not God forsaken. But we did not want to come back. We both chose schools in the great state of Tennessee. 

Jennifer went to Milligan College while I went to Johnson Bible College.  Neither one of us knew the other one was going to the school in Tennessee ahead of time. This was not planned. 

Jennifer and I met at Pearson's Mill Christian Camp and have been close friends since that time. There have been times that we have fought like cats and dogs. Okay like brothers and sisters. However, we have been there for each other when we needed each other the most. 

I drove to pick her up at the airport in Indianapolis when her dad had to have surgery. I am not sure what kind at the moment. I think it was heart surgery. We always shared Christmas together at some point when she was home. I helped cut many trees in the back yard. I think there were close to a hundred. I always said it should have been a sin to grow so many trees in one's back yard. 

At the time there were plans for a swimming pool. However, that never materialized by the way. Jennifer and I were married to different spouses only a few weeks a part from each other. I was over their home more than at my other parent's home. 

Her dad and I were quite close. We named our son after him. He was my number 2 fan, while Jennifer was my # 1 fan. He was one of the few positive male role models that have been in my life. 

I was invited over for Christmas, Easter and other family outings. I was always considered one of the family. Sometimes I would get to have something that no one else wanted when they would buy something new. 

As you can see this family was quite real to me. I became a pastor largely because of the influence of Mr. Stanley C. However, because of the abuse I suffered at the hands of some foster parents and never received any help I was really messed up and didn't even know it. 

However, in spite of this, the family of Jennifer always stood beside me. God had a plan that were even beyond our wildest imagination. 

Rough Waters

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Pastor Kelly at this time was not living a Christian life. He has bipolar and sometimes he does not make good decisions. His sister Jennifer had to continue to show him tough love. In response this he told her that he hated her. She simply said, "I love you but I am not going to put up with this behavior. I am going to show you tough love because this is what you need right now!" He simply said, defiantly "Whatever!"

She took him to a homeless shelter in a nearby city. he was not sure if she had tears in her eyes. He was sure that he was not the cause of them. Anyway he was on his own. He felt like trying to figure out a way to commit suicide but that did not happen.

He started getting help through Four County Counseling. He cut off all  people from his life. This included other foster families, and his sister. It was a long road but the therapy did start to help. Although the therapist was not concerned about the pornography addiction. But things were better than they were and he started to get on with his life. Eden was quite supportive of him during this time in his life.

Blessings From The Lord

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The Lord started to bless Pastor Kelly. During a Saturday meal for the homeless he was invited to attend services at the Calvary Presbyterian Church. After talking to girlfriend Eden, she told him this was a good choice. This was in the spring of 2006. In 2006 he became a member and God started using him. He was operating the sound system for Sunday evenings. He started teaching Sunday School when needed, and even assisted in the men's Bible study. This would be instrumental in the ministry God would entrust him with in the Philippines. The Lord was about to open new doors to him that would be surprising to him. God had started redirecting his path. His life and His hands were in the hands of the Lord from now on.

Interference by Child Protective Services

Pastor Kelly was his sister Jennifer's greatest ally. Someone made a call to child protective service in the spring of 2004. This call changed the life of this family forever. Mandy the niece of Pastor Kelly was going through a difficult time. At this time she had turned her back on the Lord. 

It all started when his sister was trying to be a good mom and had a few rules for everyone living under her roof. Mandy did not like some of the rules and rebelled against the family. She became a very angry young lady. When she got angry she would storm throughout the house, slamming doors and breaking things. To stop this the door of her room was removed. His sister tried to ground her and nothing was working. She resorted to spanking her child. This was reported to child protective services and the child was put in foster care. 

Prior to this time Pastor Kelly had been working with both of these girls when his sister was at work. He began using animal, art therapy with the girls. Both girls loved animals and Mandy had artistic ability. If there had been no interference with child protective services Mandy would have straightened up but this did not happen. As a matter of fact she is worst today then she was before. 

Mandy was admitted to a couple of  mental  hospitals and the only people on her list was Pastor Kelly and  her mom Jennifer. Because of the Child Protective Services Pastor Kelly was unable to work with Mandy when she went into foster care. He did however, continued to work with Hayley and this would be beneficial later on. Child Protective Services can kidnap your child for any reason and there is not a lot one can do about it. They do not like people using religion as a form of therapy. This only served to create problems for this family. But Jennifer was a good mom, or they would have found reasons to remove Hayley as well. Later it was found out that the social worker used unethical methods and was later removed. This is being reported here because it had an impact on the life of Pastor Kelly

A Repentant Heart

Pastor Kelly knew some things had to change in his life. He could not keep going the way he had been going. He wonders why things have to be so difficult. Why do they have to be so hard. The fact remains the first step of recovery is to be repentant. O Loving Kind God, have mercy, have pity on me and take away this terrible stain of my transgressions. Oh wash me, cleanse me from this guilt. Let me be pure again for I admit my shameful deed-it haunts me night and day. It is against you and you alone. I sinned and did this terrible thing. You saw it all and your sentence against me is just. But I was born a sinner, yes from the moment my mother conceived me, you deserve honesty from the heart, yes, utter sincerity and truthfulness. Oh give me this wisdom.

Sprinkle me with the cleansing blood and I shall be clean again. Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. After you have punished me, give me back my joy again. Don't keep  looking at my sins-erase them  from your sight.  Create in me a clean heart, O God, filled with clean thoughts and right desires. Don't toss me aside, banished from your presence. Don't take your holy spirit from me. Restore again the joy of your salvation  and make me willing to obey you. Then I will teach your ways to other sinners-guilty like me-will repent and return to you. Don't sentence me to death, O my God, you alone can rescue me. Then I will sing of your forgiveness, for my lips will be unsealed-Oh how I will praise you. You don't want penance, if you did how gladly I would do it! You are not interested in burnt offerings before you on an altar. It is a broken spirit you want-a broken and contrite heart, O God you will not ignore (Psalms 51:1-17

A Heart Breaking Sin

Pastor Kelly even though he had been a minister became involved in the sin of pornography. This sin affects around thirty percent of ministers. He left the ministry of his own choice. Unfortunately for him nothing mattered to him even his family. At this time in his life one thing did not seem wrong, then the next thing did not seem wrong until nothing seemed wrong. The pornography led to online relationships, and even led to physical adultery. Because of the pornography issue there were problems with money and led to other addictive behavior. His wife of seventeen years left him due to these sin issues. By the time he tried to fix his marriage it was too late. Even the marriage encouraged the divorce and he knew that it was over and he remarried. 

He suffers from bipolar, borderline personality and epilepsy. Fortunately even now he is receiving online therapy. One of the therapy he is using is Setting the Captives Free. It deals with Addictive Behavior in several areas including pornography. 

Jennifer caught him in the act and found pornographic pictures. She took the computer cord and made him go through counseling of his choice. He used Four County Counseling Center. He was in counseling for ten years dealing with this issue. But it was an issue of the heart and therefore other things had to change.

Jennifer had to show him tough love and she broke all communication from him for awhile. Until she was convinced that he had repented and was making the kind of choices that would ensure her that he was truly sorry and not that he was just sorry he was caught. 

He lost his wife, his home and his possessions. He had to live in the streets for he had no place to go. For awhile he lived in his van and it was a miracle alone that he did not freeze to death. But God always provided for him even though God was punishing him. 

Someone might ask why would God use someone like Pastor Kelly. But the same thing could be said of David, Samson, and others like them. God knows our true hearts even when we sin and fall short of His glory. The best characteristic that God can use is one that has a willing heart. If one has a willing heart then God can work out the other things in their lives. This was a lesson Pastor Kelly was about to learn.  

Special Nieces

Jennifer's children were very special to Pastor Kelly. He used to call them the apple of his eyes. He would be asked to baby sit for them at times. He was more like a friend. He was not a disciplinarian. He would do what they liked to do. He was closer to them than than Bob and Darla's family. At the time Pastor Kelly was the most positive male role model the girls had other than their grandfather. God had a special purpose of bringing this family close together. 

Of course this is going to  haunt him greatly.  More on this later on. Hayley became very close to him and she would cry when he had to leave. If he had come to visit his sister then Hayley would not want to go to bed. And when he did leave she would cry, and go upstairs to the window and wave bye to him until he was gone.

He would go bike riding with her, play computer games, skate boarding, roller skating, she was the active one. Mandy liked reading, and doing computer things. She loved Japanese art. This was something they both shared in common. 

This relationship would be beneficial later on in life. More on this at a later post. These girls have been an important part of his life, even today more on this later on.